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Wet Noodle Posse | Blog

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Three Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day (For Clueless Husbands)

1. Buy your wife sexy lingeré unless you know for certain what her size and taste is. If the teddy is too big, she’ll take it as a message that you think she’s fat. If the gown and peignoir are too small, you’re also in trouble. She’ll have to return it, and most likely they won’t have the item in her size. She will become frustrated, especially after trying on other items the store did have in her size in fluorescent light that saps her self-esteem and makes her feel ugly. Chances are you won’t get the benefit you expected.

2. Gift her with a domestic appliance. You may think that a new handvac will make her life easier, which to you translates as love. To your wife, a vacuum cleaner means that you see her as a housekeeper, which isn’t very romantic, unless you buy into the whole French maid fantasy.

3. Bring home a box of chocolates IF she’s on a diet. That’s called diet sabotage. If, however, she’s not worried about the calories or she, like me, believes a person can consume as much chocolate as she wants on Valentine’s Day without recrimination, then you’re golden.

What you should do is think about what makes your wife happy. If she likes silky lingeré or flannel pajamas, know her size before you buy. Check with her best friend or sister, or look at something she currently wears. Unless she’s one of those women we all hate, who can still fit into her wedding dress, do not use the size of the chemise she wore on your honeymoon fifteen years ago!

You could also show your love by making dinner or ordering her favorite take-out, or procure her some romantic reading. Why not remind her of what it feels like to fall in love? To go about doing so the right way, you should check her “To Be Read” pile to see what subgenre she likes—historical, paranormal, suspense. Read the back cover copy so that you get a feel for time periods, what level of sensuality she prefers, whether or not she likes her romance with a sense of humor, and what authors and titles she already has. Once you’ve done your homework, go to the romance section of your local bookstore and spend some time reading the back cover copy of books she hasn’t yet read until you find the perfect story for your wife. She will be impressed by the time and care you’ve spent in picking the perfect way to say “I love you.”

One last tip—tell her why you love her. You’ll probably get the reward you were hoping for when you bought that lingeré that didn’t go over so well last year.



At 8:46 AM, Blogger Merrillee said...

Good advice. My hubby isn't clueless. Since we were married on Valentines' Day, we decided when we first got married that we would buy something for the house rather than getting anniversary or Valentine gifts for each other. My favorite, to this day, is our grandfather clock. Every time it chimes, it says, "I love you."

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Lee McKenzie said...

My husband has a terrible time choosing birthday and Christmas gifts, so he often asks our daughter for advice. She's a master shopper and has excellent taste.

On Valentine's Day we avoid the gift-giving dilemma and have a lovely, leisurely dinner instead.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Diane Gaston said...

My husband has never figured out how easy it would be to get me something for Valentine's Day. I'd be very happy with a bouquet of flowers from our grocery store.

DH is not good at romantic gifts but I usually always have the latest in laptops and other electronic gizmos - his way of showing love.

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Theresa Ragan said...

Mo, these are great tips for the clueless husbands.

Just watching a romantic movie together would be fun. We were at my youngest daughter's open house at the high school the other day and my husband held my hand from class to class. Made my day! I think many men don't realize that it really doesn't take a lot to please us! it's the little things...

At 4:03 PM, Blogger Mo H said...

How cool about the grandfather clock!

A leisurely dinner sounds fabulous, especially with how hectic life is these days.

There's a lot to be said for electronic gizmos. One of the best birthday presents my hubby ever gave me was a flat screen for the computer.

Holding hands is the best--and it doesn't cost a thing! I still love when my husband holds mine.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger MJFredrick said...

My dh's band is playing Valentine night. That's probably up there on things not to do.....

At 8:58 PM, Blogger Louisa Cornell said...

Great list, Maureen! My late DH always bought books, CDs and chocolates for me, but we always had our wish list for each other. It hung on the fridge and we could go by and add to it any time.

Now that my Mom and I are both widows, the older of my two younger brothers makes sure that we both get Godiva chocolates and roses on Valentine's Day. He's a good guy - something my SIL tells anyone who will listen. He even calls the baby brother to remind him to get something for HIS wife so he won't have to sleep in his truck! LOL

At 8:25 AM, Blogger Mo H said...

If he's crooning something dedicated to you, I'd say that's a definite do!

At 8:26 AM, Blogger Mo H said...

What a wonderful brother you have!

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Terry Odell said...

The most romantic gifts are the ones that show you're thinking of HER, not you. Come on, do you think he's buying that lingerie because he thinks you'll like it.

True, it can lead somewhere you'd both like, but the most romantic gift I ever got was a Swiss Army knife. Why? Because I was watching MacGyver, and I mumbled, 'why don't I have one of those' to the TV set. Not to him. No eye contact (he was on the couch behind me; I was on my comfy recliner) We weren't really watching the show together--I'm not sure I knew he was in the room. But he heard me, and did something that showed me he heard me.

Now, the electronic tire gauge--that's another story, but he tempered it with flowers and chocolate, and he seriously thought he was keeping me safe. But what's more 'romantic' is that last week he said, "your tires are low, I'm taking your car to the gas station to fill them." He cares, and he'll do something about it.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger Diane Gaston said...

Terry, you have it soooo right! The most important thing is to know that your hero is thinking of YOU, even in a little way. (You have one special hero, there, too)

At 4:08 PM, Blogger MJFredrick said...

Oh, no....the dh is in a country punk band...I wouldn't want him to sing to me :)


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