My WeekendI’ve had a weird weekend, folks.
Why is it that yesterday at my local grocery store I could find thirty-five kinds of dog food, twelve kinds of kitty litter and eighty different kinds of chips but couldn’t find one #@!* green, seedless grape for my grandkids or any lox for my Sunday bagels?
And speaking of grandkids, why did my beautiful and precocious four-year-old granddaughter have to wait until the minister said, “Let’s bow our heads in silent prayer,” to announce to the whole congregation in her best outdoor voice that, “I have to sit to pee pee because God didn’t give me a PEE-NUS!”
Later I was out and about with a girlfriend in her new car. After we went through a toll booth, she tossed the change to me. I looked all over the dashboard and center consol for an ash tray to put the change in and couldn’t find one. When I said as much my friend laughed and said, “Oh, cars don’t come with them any more. People don’t smoke like they used to.” Huh? I look at the five cars surrounding us at the red light and see smoke billowing out of three partially-opened windows. Now color me silly but I think I found the cause of those fourteen wild fires we had this weekend. It’s not the four months of drought we’re experiencing but the non-smokers throwing their imaginary cigarettes out their closed windows for lack of an ashtray.
And if the US Postal Service knew they were raising the price of a first class stamp by $0.02 then why didn’t they make more $0.02 stamps for those of us with rolls of $0.37 stamps?!? I stood in line for 45 minutes last Friday only to be told when I got to the window that they’d run out of $0.02 stamps and that I’d have to come back today. Three months ago that wouldn’t have been such a chore because they had a TV in the lobby which made the waiting time more tolerable, but not anymore. No, they had to remove the TV because, “People were watching CNN instead of the close circuit USPO video while in line.” Huh? The USPO video--a silent slide presentation--is on a four minute continuous loop. The average wait in my post office is 25 minutes. That means you see the same *#@! slides 6.3 times per visit and I’m there at least twice a week. Trust me…I got it the first time. I should not mail any liquids, perishables or explosives, and you can get a package anywhere overnight for the right price. Great. Now give me back my CNN or hire some staff!
There. I feel better now. I think I’ll get some work done today after all. If you haven’t check out my new contest for the launch of THIEF IN A KILT on www.sandyblair.net , you might want to take a peek. I’m giving away a medieval-styled, thirty-eight carat amethyst necklace set in sterling silver. Have a great week.